Aliens: Why Won’t They Let Us Meet Them.

Former government officials, current government officials, astronauts, air traffic controllers, Prime ministers and leaders the world over have told us they’re real. I believe them.

There have been too many reports, from too many respected sources, for us to keep dismissing the reality. Intelligence agencies and militaries everywhere have poured billions of dollars into investigating those reports. They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t believe it.

But why all the secrecy? Why not just let us all meet each other? What’s the risk, really? Worst case scenario there’s a few months of pandemonium? That’s been the tone of the last couple of years anyway. I think we can handle it. I believe their leaders have met with our leaders, and for one reason or another, decided our societies should not meet. Not yet, at least. And I believe I know why that is.

I’ll fuck one up.

First things first, I need to know who could beat who in a fist fight. If the rumors are to be believed, they’re small, with skinny limbs, and huge heads. They’re built like children. I’m winning that fight, I’m winning that fight 10/10 times. Just ask any of the kids I’ve fought. There’s a chance they have telepathic powers, and a chance they could use those powers to best me in combat. There is no chance I can allow that question to go unanswered.

I’ll baptize a bunch of them.

I’m not even a religious person, that’s just the rule round’ here. They can fly around the nuclear launch sites all they want. Out maneuver and emasculate our airforce, sure, be my guest. But if they land, thinking they get to walk around without being dragged into a creek to have their sins washed away, they’ve got another thing coming. Namely, me. I’m coming.