Tips For Buying A Home That Will Give Realtors Stress Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Buying your first house is a daunting process, and rightly so. It’s going to cost a lot of money. It could be a deciding factor in where your kids go to school. It’s the very foundation on which many of your family’s best memories will be built, and that demands a lot consideration. What if the house has a bad foundation? What if it has termite damage, bad plumbing, electrical issues? Are you getting ripped off on the price? There are so many ways it can all go wrong. But when it goes right, it goes really right. Because now you’ve got more than a house, you’ve got a home. Below, I’ve shared some of the best tips and tricks that go into buying a new property. 

Negotiating price

At the end of the day, it’s the bottom line that keeps people up. The cost of the house is the first thing to consider. Figure out what you can afford and be realistic. Once that’s done, all you have to worry about is being taken advantage of during the negotiations. The ability one has to haggle separates him/her from the rubes of the world, in home buying and everything else. The skill can be learned and sharpened but that takes years. In the mean time, something every realtor fears is the buyer who knows their own haggling limitations, and instead ops for Trial By Combat.

A gentlemen’s duel is only off the table to cowards. Take full advantage of this during any negotiation. Its important to remember that as the challenger you will not be permitted to choose the weapons; and most real-estate agents have a champion on retainer to fight in their stead. So ration your spare time wisely by studying a wide range of combat arts.

I’ll reiterate that learning to effectively haggle on one’s own behalf is invaluable to getting ahead in today’s world. But it’s harder than it looks. For millions of Americans — myself included — direct eye contact is seen as a threat. More than a threat, it’s a silent promise of violence in the minutes to come. A promise our so called ‘court system’ still won’t consider ‘intent’. But still, I urge my readers to attack first and attack hard. Try to incorporate biting as soon as you can. Your goal should be to inflict irreparable physical and emotional trauma. Herein lies something of a catch-22. On one hand, you can’t forgive the assault of uninvited eye contact. On the other, negotiating calls for some level of eye contact. I can only advise diligence in this balancing act.

Bring your own fork

Most showings will have a decent spread of finger foods, and the nicer ones will provide you with a fork. But they’ll be keeping an eye on you. They’ll be watching you and the fork they provided, like a hawk. Circumvent this little dance entirely by bringing your own.

Sneak away when the moment presents itself and find an electrical outlet. When the coast is clear, stab the fork into the outlet. This is a sure-fire way to gauge a home’s spunk, it’s latent pizzazz. Something most realtors will keep from you, if not completely deny the existence of.
This method gains YOU insight into the HOME’S worthiness to house you and your family, a welcome change of pace. I’ve used this technique countless times; and I can tell you the disparity in the average American home’s outlet-zest is wider than you think. 

consider buying a home ‘sight unseen’.

Live a little and roll the dice, pussy. This approach is best suited for buyers with degenerate gambling issues or those considering a life of degenerate gambling.