Arizona’s Lenient Gun Laws: A Response To John McCain And The Fact That He Could, Literally, Be Anywhere

While many states are well on their way to disarming, and thusly, exposing their constituency to the ever present of threat of John McCain, Arizonans are ‘sticking to their guns’.

“never saw the body” said local Phoenician and dental hygienist, Susan C. Bittunson.
“Wouldn’t matter if I did. He’s not tied to this mortal coil; he’s latched to it like an ulcer, or a mean-spirited koala demi-god”


While the origin of John McCain is unclear, if not intentionally scrubbed from public knowledge.
We can be sure of at least a few things: One, The entity we know as ‘McCain’ is a violent cryptozoological anomaly that experiences death the same way a hermit crab changes shells. Two, he’s armed with powers beyond our primitive 3rd dimensional understanding. And three, we should – at least – be armed by powers within our 3rd dimensional understanding. I’m talking guns, babe.

I sat down with respected Sedonaught and dental hygienist, Suzanne P. Buttinson, who had this to say.

“People on the coasts don’t appreciate the constant danger McCain poses”. She said thumbing round after round of .762x39mm 124 grain ammunition into an oversize mag.

I remember thinking, There’s only one mean motherfucker that would have the appetite for that many .762s. The Equalizer, Mikhail Kalashnikov’s first born son, the single most prolific firing system ever created, second to none, and never apologized for. I’m speaking, of course, about The AK-herald-of-deliverance-40-fuckin-7. Carried into battle by China, Iran, and some 50 other standing armies.  Not because what ain’t broke, don’t need fixin’, but because what can’t break, never needs fixin’. As far as assault rifles go, the AK-47 is the margarita: The recipe is perfected, it needs nothing, if you say ‘guavarita’ again, i’m putting my hands on you.

Suzanne continued, “to them, we’re just another fly-over state with ‘fly-over state’ problems.” She paused to check the skies, “Well, he can fly too. And he would if we didn’t shoot him down every time.”


my time along side the Arizonaughtanites has left me with a deep respect for their crusade. I believe we should heed their warnings, and stay the course of being an unchecked and dangerously armed populace. It may be the only thing keeping the tyranny of trans-dimensional super beings at bay.

Before heading back to Chicago I had one last sit down with legendary dental hygienist and Flagstaffienanianought, Sue Zane-Bolognese. Ms. Bolognese is the only living tooth-tech to have performed a cleaning on McCain’s many rows of teeth, and receive full payment at the end. I wanted to know how she pulled it off.

“we came to an understanding, he hates the drill, see?” She paused to blow the oil from her .45 caliber Taurus Judge® Revolver.

As if the George Forman punch of .45 caliber wasn’t enough, this purse or handbag concealable over-achiever spits .410 shotgun shells. Is it a 6-shooter? Don’t be so pedestrian. 5’s enough when you got .45 punch for distance paired with .410 close range devastation at the end of your arm. you can kill 4 men and dig them a grave with the last round. I own nine and I keep them in a safe labeled The Supreme Court.
Sue went on, “I promised to not use the drill if he didn’t mind me keepin’ Judy in my lap”

‘Judge’ Judy, hell yes, Sue.